Motherhood

 

Well, it’s been almost 2weeks since I have written anything! My 8.5 month old son is getting his top teeth…teething is no fun ….requires lots more time spent with mom….cause moms make everything better.

With my mini hiatus, I found myself thinking over this last year and all that has happened….The biggest event for me was becoming a mom. What an incredible life changing experience! To be honest, it was a huge adjustment for me. I was a little cocky before my little boy arrived-I am one of seven kids and I was the second oldest, so growing up I pretty much helped raise my younger siblings. I was convinced I knew kids and I would be a pro instantly! Well……oh…well….was it all so new to me and for awhile I felt as though I was in over my head. With absolutely NO sleep (we’re talking 2 hours of sleep in a whole night at times!) for months and months, combo that with the inability to nap during the day, crazy hormone crashes, some post partum depression, and no longer working outside of the house….this was ALL so new to me and I felt like a train wreck!

Many people’s babies sleep fairly soon after birth, my son Bode…not so much! I remember a month or so after giving birth, walking like a zombie throughout our neighborhood and this other new mom stopped to say hi…I told her I was exhausted and she simply said “ Ya… so Haylee didn’t have that problem, she slept at night the day she came home from the hospital, so I can’t relate.” Really….really…(couldn’t she have lied to me)…Ahhhhh….I wanted to slap her! But I politely smiled and said “how nice.”
With new motherhood came complete surrender for me. I liked to do my own thing- at my own time -in my own way! My mother told me that when she was just a new mom of two, she had both children down for a nap and she was going to eat lunch…in peace. Shortly after she had fixed a sandwich and sat down, one of us kids started crying…it was then she said she made the decision to just “go with it.” It was the fighting against the ability to just “go with it” that caused frustration…so she made that choice and passed the knowledge onto me….thank God!

Now, I am getting more sleep, have a routine, my hormones have balanced out, and I have a little two-toothed constantly grinning companion by my side that has taught me more about myself in the last 8.5 months than I ever thought possible 😉

This last year I have learned to appreciate the little things, taking a shower, walking our little dog Romeo, going to the gym or a run, a quiet afternoon, a glass of wine in the late evening, a good story, a thought provoking conversation with my husband, a good debate….

But the most special part of my day is just after the sun sets, I take my little boy in my arms after he has been bathed and is all ready for bed. We head to his nursery and snuggle up in the rocking chair. Prayers are prayed and slowly he nurses to sleep. It is here I feel most at peace and a love so deep that it scares me. Although I have spent my whole day with the little guy, this is my time with him. There is no other place I’d rather be in the whole world than right there at that moment in time. Bode is a mover and a shaker…a go getter….a full of energy little guy, but not in this moment. In this moment Bode presses close to my heart and drifts to sleep and here is when all is well in the world….this is what matters -this is what is most important and this is a love that I never knew existed….it is here I know how much God loves me. It is here that I am reminded of how great God is and how beautiful life is.

So with the end of the year quickly approaching…I would say this year has been my hardest, most challenging, most vulnerable …… Best year yet.  

I know we have all been told to BE in the moment, motherhood gave me no choice- and I am eternally grateful.

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