Tag: Parody

Obituary for Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi by the Warshington Post-it:

“Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, austere religious scholar at helm of Islamic State, dies at 48.”-Washington Post, October 27, 2019

Baghdadi, or as his slaves lovingly call him “Big Daddy” was a shy- Dungeons and Dragons playing youth, who loved to spend his free time mutilating small animals and popping into a local mosque to recruit suicide bombers.

Big Daddy enjoyed spending his precious free time as a film critique, giving 98% Rotten Camels to the latest head removal flick, but interestingly, only 58% to Mona Lisa Smiles of which, some say, he watched over a hundred times.

Big Al was a lover of children, fathering……. honestly who knows how many, as he raped and pillaged his way through towns, to use them as human shields against the infidels.

After a long day of beheadings, he would often kick back with a Mai Tai, and a game of soccer; rumor had it he was a huge fan of the Tampa Bay Rowdies of the USL. He was also often found whipping up whimsical chemical concoctions to try out on the local handicapped and LGBTQ folk.

He grew into a bulging, beastly, bearded man and while not much of a fashionista, Al expressed his whacky style with all the latest trends in eye wear. One very close acquaintance, we’ll call Kevin, snickered and said, “I don’t think those glasses were even prescription, he just wanted to impress the babes.”

After a career sacking every town he could find, and killing every person he came in contact with, he recently settled down into a quiet cave life, preferring them close to the local Starbucks. As Kevin says, “he was fine without furniture or even light fixtures, but you’d never find him without his Triple, Venti, Half Sweet, Non-Fat, Caramel Macchiato.”

Big Al leaves behind 187 wives, 300 (ish) children and a thousand or so slaves. And while the headless film industry will undeniably suffer, Als legacy will live on with each and every suicide vest bombing.

Goodbye Big Daddy, you will be missed by……. no one………………………………..

except for the Mainstream Media, and especially the Washington Post.

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A preview of tonight’s Democratic Primary Debate…..

I gotta be real, I am excited to watch tonight’s Democratic Primary Debate. Get the popcorn ready! The resistance is taking the stage. They have persisted and now, now we get to see real problem solving principles presented. Ha ha! Who am I kidding?! It’s going to be:  “We hate Trump,” “we hate Trump,” “we hate Trump.” because, that’s ALL we have heard from these guys for the last two years. Odd, being that the Democrats slogan in 2016  was “LOVE trump’s hate.”  Thinking_Face_Emoji

You will find no love on the stage tonight. You will also find no solutions. The Democrat Party needs to perpetuate the problems we see in order to exist!

This morning I woke up to a tweet by the left’s darling Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

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She was complaining that Wayfair was making beds for the children coming across our southern border. Upset that Wayfair was making a product to meet a need, and profiting from making that needed product. In her world, businesses should not profit, because capitalism is evil. I would like to ask AOC, would you rather the children not have beds? Instead of putting forth a solution to the insane influx of migrants at the border, Ocasio-Cortex opted to complain about the children having beds. She also voted against a Bill this morning that would provide 4.5 Billion for humanitarian aid to those at the border.

As you watch the candidates compete tonight on “who can hate the President the most,” I want you to take note, these people have NO SOLUTIONS. Oh my bad, they have ONE solution -SPEND. In order to attempt to get your vote, they are going to bribe you with your own money. Free Kindergarten, Free Day Care, Free College, Free free free! Give the government more of your money and they will pay for everything! They will even pay for your student loans you willingly took out! They’ll also ignore the fact that college tuition has risen 243% since 1998. With “free loans,” Colleges can now charge even more insane prices and America foots the bill. And, if everyone has a degree doesn’t this make degrees less valuable? Who cares though, Americans can afford more in taxes! They’ll tax Americans till they have nothing left, or till they leave the country! Because, the Democrat Party has gone full Socialism! Full Socialism and full infanticide. That’s right, not one candidate running has said they would sign a bill that would require a baby that survives a botched abortion be saved. So there you have it, the Democrat Party: “we hate Trump,” we want Socialism” and “let’s keep killing babies.”

The worst part though, outside of killing babies, is the pandering and the incompetence. From Mayor Pete drinking a forty in the middle of the day- in an attempt to get the Black vote; to Elizabeth Warren “gettin’ me a beer” (because she’s just like you simpletons in fly over America that drink beer), you are going to watch people that have no qualifications tell you they should be running the most powerful nation on earth. Check it out 589_emoji_iphone_white_down_pointing_backhand_index

 

Trump however didn’t need this. He has lost One Billion of his own money since becoming President, unlike the Clinton’s and Obama’s who became insanely wealthy during and after holding office. Trump was already accomplished. One of the most successful entrepreneurs in the world, who loves this country and is putting America first. Because when America succeeds the world succeeds.

Enjoy the freak show, I’ll be LIVE tweeting -follow along @conmomma  🙂

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This is hilarious: “Starbucks Sensitivity Training.” MUST WATCH!

Okay, I needed to laugh and this was sent to me through email and I have to share it! It’s hilarious, had me crying.

Today over 8,000 Starbuck’s stores across the country have closed their doors for “anti-bias” sensitivity training.  Around 180,000 employees at Starbucks stores and at its headquarters are taking the training from a “tool kit” and the intention is to “focus on understanding prejudice and the history of public accommodations in the United States.” Future training will address “all aspects of bias and experience.”

I could care less that they are closed. I haven’t had Starbuck’s in years. The minute they started pushing the Liberal lefitist political agenda- I was out.

The reason this training is taking place is because back in April, in Philadelphia, a Starbuck’s manager called the police- because two Black Men in the store were staying in the store but not buying anything and one was denied to use the restroom because they were not a paying customer. The police arrested the men for trespassing but later let them go and apologized for the incident.

So now Starbuck’s is letting anyone in the store -paying or not paying, and they are free to use the restroom! This has caused some drama, because some have wanted to sleep in the restrooms, and there has been drug use and other uncouth behavior taking place. It’s kind of a cluster F for Starbuck’s.

So here’s to their “Sensitivity training” ……enjoy 😉