It’s crazy how God works. Often we go through seasons in life that appear to not connect at all. It’s like starring at a zillion puzzle pieces without the box top that provides the larger picture. Often we go through experiences that we can’t figure out why they happened. How did I get here, and why did I go through that?
Years ago, when I was a kid-I felt compelled to act. I never thought I was funny or dramatic, for me it was more of a release of emotions. Being one of seven kids growing up, finding your own identity was tricky. I took to the stage (but still to this day-I am not the comedian in my family). I fell in love with the theatre. Drama, comedy- it didn’t matter, I wanted to play various characters and I enjoyed every minute. The desire to empathize with characters I played was something I couldn’t get enough of. I was always people watching, studying mannerism and human interaction. The psychology behind human interaction fascinated me. Acting demanded being private in public and the vulnerability required was terrifying but at the same time something I had fallen in love with. I went on and acted through High School and received a college scholarship my Freshman year for acting. I was later accepted to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in Los Angeles, CA -though I did not end up attending.
After getting a degree from a four year University, I headed to Los Angeles after graduation. I became a member of the Screen Actors Guild, took to studying Improv Comedy in Hollywood and worked as a personal assistant for a well known celebrity.
I saw the underbelly of Hollywood, a view most don’t want to see.
I saw socialites and celebrities void of life. I saw drugs….so many drugs. I saw isolation and too many dead eyes. I witnessed those that “had it all” but had nothing…I saw an emptiness and a sadness that I had never known and had never experienced.
I woke up one day, drove to the beach and looked out at the ocean. I asked God what he wanted of me….and why was I even in LA? At that moment the world stopped. There was silence and the clearest moment of thought…..I felt this wave of release, everything I wanted, or thought I wanted, I didn’t want anymore. In that moment my passion for acting, directing & producing -died. At that moment I knew God wanted something else for me.
I packed my bags and drove home.
Shortly after, I met my best friend-my husband. I fell in love, got married and less than a year later we were expecting our first child.
It was at that same time my dad decided to run for United States Congress.
My dad is an anomaly. There is no one on this earth like him. He is a businessman, a risk taker, a father of seven, married to my mom for 40 years & they are still in love. Incredible sense of humor, a problem solver, a leader, a fighter, and my hero. He would have flipped D.C. upside down, and would have definitely given Congress hell had he been elected. But he wasn’t elected. Instead the voters chose a career politician who had not accomplished anything (except vote the party line) to remain their representative.
It was at this moment in time, I realized the best don’t win in politics. The power of incumbency wins. I was heartbroken, devastated and angry. How, how could this be? How could the people not see what I saw in my dad? It was here something awoke inside me. I knew I had to unmask this entrenched world of politics.
I was terrified.
I didn’t know anything about politics. I honestly had no clue. In the past when I’d be around people talking about politics-I’d just tune out. It wasn’t my thing and it scared the crap out of me to honest.
So here I was, a new mom and I felt this incredible passion unleashed within me –GET INFORMED!
I was so intimidated, but I started researching, reading and studying.
I was raised to respect & revere the Constitution and that limited government and Individual Liberty must be fought for. Also, being the second oldest of a large family -I remembered putting my hand on my moms stomach when she was pregnant to feel my future sibling kicking-there was never any question for me that life in the womb was life and should be entitled to the same rights that I was. As I grew up, I still held true to Conservative principles…but could I debate them -no. This is where I needed to grow.
I studied. I researched. I asked questions. I began debating and I began blogging.
Granted the only people reading my blog were my husband-(who is a great writer and this alone freaked me out), my sisters, my older brother and his wife, and my mom & dad.
I blogged for years and years and I slowly gained a tiny following. Often I felt like I was speaking to an empty room, it didn’t matter though, I knew I was supposed to keep going. The more I blogged, the more I knew I had to know, so this demanded I get more informed. I studied legislation, policy, ideologies, theologies and I grew.
I became politically active in my community -A precinct leader, an Assistant District Captain, a Bonus Member for the GOP. I began working on various campaigns and most recently I was a CO Chair for the Trump Campaign for my State. I had fallen in love with politics. The strategy, the chase for the win and the fight for what I believed in, all clashing together into one world.
It was January 21, 2017 the day after President Trump became president, I watched Women March on Washington. Women with pussy hats on saying they wanted to “blow up the White House” —
these women said they represented me.
No they did not represent me.
I felt compelled to go “live” on Facebook and say that these women did not represent me.
And I did.
My Facebook post that usually received a hundred or so views received sixty five thousand views from that post.
My older brother wrote me and said “what the heck?”
I thought the same thing.
It was at that moment, my past connected to my present. Puzzle pieces that I had totally thrown out now back and connecting with current pieces. The thought that I could use my past for what I am so passionate about today revealed itself.
For years after I left LA, I thought what was all that for….? Now I know.
Often God directs us to do things that make no sense! When I left LA, I was honestly done acting, producing, writing and directing. I wanted no part of it, it was dead to me.
But now I see why I had that background, it was for a bigger fight.
I don’t know where this leads. I don’t know what lies ahead….but I do know I serve a BIG God. A God outside of time. A God who knows me more than I know me and at the end of the day, my life is not my own.
If you feel like you are in a place that doesn’t make sense but you are surrendered to God, hang in there….in time it will all connect. Maybe not in the timing we expect, but I do believe we get answers.
God has the puzzle box top, when we surrender the pieces to Him, he can put the pieces together-let Him.